dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
