Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
