Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
