he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
