dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need a beard to bite.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
