i need an iv and a liver transplant
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
