I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I just put wine in my tea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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