Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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