I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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