I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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