If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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