grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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