Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize