The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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