4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
