Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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