I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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