so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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