I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
