I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
