I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
