It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
