Where is the hickey?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
