shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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