There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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