I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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