What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk is not a location!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
