I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
