New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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