dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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