I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
