the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
