Yo dont text me then not text me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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