the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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