Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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