i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
