All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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