I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
