"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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