my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
