this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
false alarm. still invincible.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
