tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Two words: nipple clamps
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