Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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