then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
