I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
