Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
try to milk me bitch
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