Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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