Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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