i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
