I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dick very happy bro
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
