STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
