that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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