dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
