this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
