I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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