Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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