Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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