Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
