did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize