come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
