I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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