yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Text me some of your sweat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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