YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
