he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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