all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize