I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
