Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
