Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
