I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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