she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize