It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
