My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
