tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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