So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
