i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
