i already hear my dad disowning me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
