Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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