Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
