My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
