I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
