I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
