Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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