dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
