oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
