I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize