I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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