Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need a beard to bite.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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