oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
