Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
