mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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