Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
