the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize