I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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