i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize