have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
