also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize