I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
