I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
