You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
