apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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