Can Purell be used as lube?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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