Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is wine microwaveable?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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