Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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