Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
