my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
