You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Two words: blizzard sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
