Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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