Fine. I'll sleep in my office
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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