you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
