I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I deserve this hangover.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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